So, we have a friend who has been dating a lovely girl for a while. They are heading toward marriage and he is doing some ring shopping. He has been fininshing up getting a masters program so he doesn't have a whole lotta money. They have considered going the cubic zirconia route over the real diamond since they can always upgrade later.
I think this is a fabulous idea! I can understand from a guys perspective that you want to get your girl the best but if you can only afford something smaller than you would like to get her and she is okay with the CZ then why not save what you would spend on the real thing and get the CZ? No one would ever know and it could be their little secret. Later on after he is actually making $$ and can afford a real diamond then he can surprise her with it.
I took a poll at my play group and we were torn 50/50. 2 said they would rather have the real but very small diamond (because you can still upgrade later) and 2 said go for the CZ because you can upgrade later (I was one of those two).
What are your thoughts?
I'm a Texan born woman transplanted across the ocean to live in England with my husband and four boys. Aside from being a stay-at-home mom, I teach birth classes for couples who want to birth naturally. My blog is about my life and how I stay sane through it all.
15 comments:
Haha this is interesting. I think it depends on how small the real diamond ring would have to be. So if it means getting a .25 ct. real diamond, then I would go with the cubic zirconia. Otherwise, I think a .50 diamond is substantial enough to just wait it out.
Other ways to "save" is to purchase white gold vs. platinum.
Right now, it seems like CZ is logically the better way to go, but I think over a few months, she may regret making that decision. Or at least have second thoughts about it.
=)
You know, my sister's ring was purchased at a Pawn Shop. (I'm pretty sure she knows this...maybe not...) But when my brother-in-law proposed, he had NO money to speak of, and he found a beautiful ring that perfectly suited my sister's style just by chance at a pawn shop. (He was probably pawning something to buy a ring.) She loves her ring and it is beautiful on her. All that to say--you can find rings in all sorts of places for all sorts of prices...being creative can make a good story and be even more sentimental sometimes than the money spent.
Go CZ -- too many people go into debt over something that they shouldn't.
Another thing we have to remember is QUALITY (remember the four Cs form all those Americus Diamond commercials?); I would prefer to get a CZ ring and later get a ring that's not only a nice size but also is high-quality.
Do you know what men have to buy women over here in the ME for a wedding present? GOLD, and lots of it. It's usually the equivilant of a year (or more) of his salary (this, BTW, is not including the cost of funrishing an apt and paying for the wedding party, which is also generally the man's responsibility). That might change from country to country, but still... YIKES!
for me the sentimental value of the ring is so much more important than the quality, size or what it is made of. i keep reading about upsizing or going with diamonds later and i think: is the diamond that important? if its just a teeny tiny barely-there diamond or a honkin' cz, or even a special non-diamondish ring you choose together, won't it always valuable because he proposed to you with it? i'm keepin my teeny tiny diamond on my finger 'til i die - no super-sizing later for me. :)
I was thinking about it more and thought, "If I had a CZ now, would I want to buy a really nice diamond ring right now to replace it?" The answer would be no. Because after getting married and having a baby, there are other financial pressures. Not only do we both have seminary debt, we want to buy a house one day, and a second car, and hopefully have another baby! There will always be financial pressures, but as a new couple, I think it's one of the better times to buy a ring.
Now if she is okay with CZ for the next 8-10 years (after being financially more stable and all that), then go for it! Haha. And remember, the price of platinum (if this is what she wants) keep skyrocketing.
My engagement ring is a sapphire with two small diamonds. I love it for all the sentimental reasons. I had no desire for a diamond ring at the time (plus I didn't want to go into debt for jewelry), and I don't think I'll ever want to trade in my ring.
My thought is: Why get a large CZ ring? Why is an engagement ring a status issue? I think that if both people are satisified with the ring they choose, then it's nobody else's business. :)
Wow...I didn't know I had an opinion!
Personally, I would go for the CZ or even a plain gold band and update later. There is more to life than diamonds. Marriage is difficult enough without being stressed about money or going in debt for a ring. The love my husband feels for me is certainly not in the diamond he bought for me (btw it was purchased later because at the time I just wanted a plain gold band) but is shown daily in so many other ways...i.e.,doing a load of laundry when I am too tired to move, staying with me in the kitchen while I cook to keep me company (and helping along the way), keeping my car clean because he knows I like having it that way not because I expect it, calling me every night when he is out of town to tell me he loves me and to remind me to lock the doors, and so many of the little things that show me how much he loves me and cares for me...it means so much more to me to know that the love he has for me is very real in the daily grind of life. Diamonds are beautiful and a pretty symbol but the important thing is the depth of love your husband has and will have "until death do us part." I feel that my plain gold band is the most cherished ring and is the one I that would upset me the most if I lost it because it was a part of our marriage ceremony. Of course, I am old-fashioned...mostly because I am old...afterall grandmas sometime have a different perspective and not always the right one for anyone else. Sorry I got long-winded but it is another symptom of age...it takes us longer to say the same thing you just said...hee hee hee! Love to all ya'll.
i have long thought my engagement ring has the smallest diamond ever fashioned, but i do not care one iota. if it was CZ, i'd frankly never had known the difference. the fact that dave asked me to spend my life joined with his is more important than anything else in the world. then again, i've never been much of a ring-wearer.
we bought our bands at a jewelry shop in budapest before we came home to our wedding. they're really cheap (and they don't match; mine's white gold & his is regular). but the sentiment is important to us.
This has been an interesting conversation! Just to be clear, I agree with everyone that it doesn't matter at all about the size of "the real thing". I think the sentimental value is what it important too.
BUT, I can see from a guys perspective (we need some dudes to chime in) that he might want to get the girl something bigger--it helps them feel like they are a good provider (just a guess) and it represents a marker of their status (which is important to guys). I am not saying that small diamonds mean the guy isn't a good provider--but in "MAN-world" it means something. Seriously, we need some dudes to chime in.
Sharon--very interesting about the cultural gift for marriage. A years salary of gold--holy moly!! It sounds opposite here where the girls parents fork out the big bucks for the big wedding.
Grace--I see your point about it being a good time to get the diamond--getting it later is probably like having kids. You never seem to have enough $$ to have another on--same thing applies to buying a diamond ring.
Melissa-I don't know why the engagement ring is a status symbol--it just is. My only glitch about buying diamonds is that a)they aren't THAT rare anymore and are totally overpriced and b) when you buy them you are supporting violence and mafia like behavior in the countries where they are mined.
Maybe I'm saying this because I'm a guy (you asked for it!) but I'm going to stick with diamonds. I mean, saving and planning for a wedding (including the rings) is a sign of responsibility and being able to provide for your wife (and children eventually).
It is nice to say that all that matters is that you have a loving husband who helps with this or that, and I think it is important, but I still see one of the primary duties of a husband as being providing for his family's needs.
They're not the same thing (buying a ring and providing for your family), but they are related. The one is a symbol for the other, or a preview, or a preamble. An outward sign of an inward grace, one might say.
One of our friends is actually against diamonds altogether and recently proposed with a pearl ring. It's unique and really reflects who they are as a couple. I am not too caught up on that type of stuff so I would say get the CZ and if you want to upgrade later or get a stone that you really like instead.
I had no ring,no big wedding,no cake,only the minister to perform the cermony,his wife as a witness,and here all these years from that time ,thru all the hardships of life the loss of three children we are still together,rings are nice but it is not what holds a couple together,it is not others preceptions of what you have between you ,how many material things you have just do not mean anything ,its only what you and your spouse have between yourselves.sometimes other people just cannot unerstand what she or he sees in this person or that person,that does not matter,and the biggest diamond in the world will not change or make a marriage endure.
Thanks Abu--
I think you verbalized something I thought might be true from a guys perspective!
Pilgrim-I applaud your friends for doing what represents them. I am sure it makes the ring/ceremony of it all more significant to them and also makes fun conversation. Everyone loves to tell the story of how they met and fell in love.
Anon 9:07-I know who you are :). You are right -- a ring doesn't make a marriage last but the ring does symbolize a vow and love that is not to be broken.
I think your perspective reflects 40+ years of marriage and all of us commenting have been married for less than 10 or not at all married. It is a good reminder--but for us youngsters we still feel all the romance of being young and in love. I don't mean to imply that you aren't in love--but getting married is one of those milestones you look forward to when you are young and getting swept up in the wedding stuff is something that we (well us girls anyway) dream of for so long. Obviously we are closer to that than being married for 40+ years. I know we all have the desire to be married as long as you have. :)
I agree with Mama Brown. The gold band is very special.
The "diamonds are forever" phrase is a myth somebody thought up to sell diamonds. The "til death do us part" is for real.
The symbol the ring declares is the important thing not what it is made our of.
Love you
Dad
Amen to Dad. Since when do we prove how real our love for each other us by spending more $ that could potentially hurt us in the long run when we are trying to pay it off and have to sacrifice truly important things just because we wanted to say we got a diamond.
It's all marketing PR. All that 4 C's stuff is just dreamed up by the diamond industry. Who, after getting a beautiful diamond, spends the rest of their lives examining it and admiring its purity (or brooding on its tiny invisible imperfections?) Surely there are more important things.
CZ is a great option. Other non-diamondy alternatives are also a great option. Dare to be different!
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