I enjoy being pregnant but the costs that come with it are undeniable. Today I had a sobbing meltdown at church and 90% of my tears were from the hormones.
I went to check on him after our Sunday School class to hee how Isaac was doing and get the potty report. Isaac had a poopie accident in his class this morning. Of course that is never fun to clean up for anyone and as the mom of the pooper I feel especially bad for the nursery worker. I was talking to one of the nursery supervisors about what happened when one of his teachers came out to fill us in. She said that we should start putting a diaper on him during church because she can't handle it and it grosses her out. I said that I would just keep him home for a few weeks to work more on the poop factor because I am not going to put him back in a diaper. Norma, the nursery supervisor, who is very sweet and helpful, said not to do that and they maybe we can move Isaac back to his other room where Georgia can keep an eye on him. He had been in Georgia's class for several months and she knows him really well. Norma thinks that maybe Georgia can watch for Isaac's signals better since she knows him so well.
As we are having this conversation I can feel my face getting hot and my eyes starting to burn. Logically, I know that the nursery teacher's request for him to wear a diaper is fine and she said that the gag factor is her but that she just can't handle it. Emotionally, however, I feel embarrassed for my son and afraid that they think I am a bad mom because I can't get my kid to poop in the potty at church. I feel ashamed and afraid that somehow the teachers won't like Isaac (or me) anymore. And part of me feels hurt (even though I know it is dumb) that she would get "grossed out" by my child who I think is wonderful and one of the most special creations around.
As we were walking away from the conversation the tears started coming and Jon and I went to his office at the church where I cried my eyes out for a while. As I was crying I was thinking about how I was having such an over-emotional reaction to this whole situation, that it wasn't personal, that I didn't need to feel ashamed or embarrassed, and yet the tears and sobs kept coming. Jon prayed for me and I heard God say, "Don't feel embarrassed or ashamed. It is okay. Just rest in me". Hearing from God always helps my heart but it still took a while before the tears would stop coming.
I doubt this will be the last emotional over-reaction I have during the pregnancy and perhaps I should learn to accept them as they come rather than loathe myself for having them--and trust the words that I hear from God. I guess I am surprised at how internally I realize I am over-reacting and yet the tears come anyway. Pregnancy Hormones--sigh.
Anyone else have any pregnancy hormone stories?
I'm a Texan born woman transplanted across the ocean to live in England with my husband and four boys. Aside from being a stay-at-home mom, I teach birth classes for couples who want to birth naturally. My blog is about my life and how I stay sane through it all.
6 comments:
Me? I'm never emotional, pregnant or not. And over-reacting? Hah! (My husband probably would say I must also have a very poor memory.) ;-) I love Isaac, too, and think he is fabulous and can honestly say if I was his nursery worker, I wouldn't have minded cleaning him up at all--even if I did gag a bit. Don't worry what anyone else thinks--Isaac is as wonderful as you know he is. love you, monica
do culture stress tears count? i find i emotionally overreact all the time here.
hugs from nicaragua,
pamela
I was just researching two days ago about the effects of hormones on your emotions during pregnancy. I was just on an emotional roller coaster the last few days. Its hard, because I know logically things aren't a big deal, but it was hard to control my emotions. I confided in a friend and she agreed that its okay to feel "a little weird emotionally" while I am pregnant. Thanks for your post, I found comfort in it. Amanda
One time, when I was 7 months pregnant, John and I were having dinner with his discipler from high school (a man in his 50's), his wife, John's childhood friend who totally looks up to him, and a friend of his childhood friend whom we never met. We were sitting in a nice Chinese restaurant talking about ministry. Well, John and I got into an argument at the dinner table, and it was a mild argument, but I just burst into tears and no one knew what to do. John sat back with his arms crossed and I just cried and cried and cried and I just couldn't stop! The guys at the table (basically college students), tried to look away pretending not to notice and finally, John's mentor and his wife had to escort us outside to have a talk with us. It was SO embarrassing!
Monica-Of course YOU would love Isaac as much--you are his Godmom :). I can totally understand where the nursery worker is coming from though. Thanks for the encouragement.
Pam--I think culture stress tears DO count! I know I cried a lot more when I was in Mexico City 10 years ago for the summer!
Amanda-I am glad I am not in the same boat either!
Grace-O my goodness! That would be embarrassing--hopefully the couple understood about the hormones?! When we were walking toward Jon's office and I was crying I was trying not to make a spectacle of myself but it is kind of hard when the sobs come out by themselves. How did the fight turn out?
I've got the best of both worlds: pregnancy + culture stress and man, what a doozie together! I think next time I'll have #3 in the States! :-)
It's frustrating b/c in general, I don't lose control emotionally. I just bawled the first time I went to the dr here when he did the sonogram; I think his assistant thought I was crazy. I couldn't stop. I had just been through a stressful day of language training, and between that and being excited that everything was OK (I was so scared that I would have another miscarriage), I lost it emotionally.
Amelia, hang in there! You have a sypathetic sister on the other side of the world!
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