As The Birth Approaches....

My mind is often swarming with many thoughts about this birth.

Other than the obvious "when will the baby come" I have been battling thoughts of fear and worry throughout the pregnancy. The other day I found myself rebuking fear and death in the name of Jesus as I was suddenly worried that the baby would die before labor started or during labor. Or that I would have another shoulder dystocia with a midwife that panics instead of facing it calmly. Or that Jon's thesis would not be done in time and life would feel even more stressful since he'd need to be home helping instead of finishing his thesis.

Now I have 9 days to go and I find myself praying that God would send the perfect midwife for our birth. I have no idea who will be coming to my birth. I have only met one midwife who may be on call and I do not want her to be the one for my birth. I don't trust her. She is nice and pleasant but I do not like the way she sees my past births. She made an offhand comment at my last appointment that I felt was unprofessional and unhelpful--and I felt it gave me a true glimpse on her perspective. I feel like if she is coming to my birth then she will be looking for any reason to transfer me into the hospital. (In the UK if you are having a homebirth with the NHS you are assigned a community midwife that is based out of the doctor's office you are assigned to. You don't rotate through the different midwives.)

I've been listening to the hypnobirthing cd for the last few weeks and that has helped me to stay positive about the birth. Ultimately I am looking to the Lord for his peace, wisdom, and comfort as I have been working out whatever emotional hangups I've been having with this pregnancy.

This pregnancy has been the easiest in many ways--I've gained MUCH less weight-about 20 lbs. instead of the 40 I've gained in the past. My body feels better, healthier and it is easier to get up and around. I think it has saved me from a lot of discomfort. I haven't had any Symphysis Pubis pain with this pregnancy and my back hasn't been a problem either. I don't find it difficult to sleep because my hips aren't bothering me at night either. Heartburn has been minimal as has swelling in the legs/ankles.

Truthfully, I want to get the birth over with and move on to the baby-in-my-arms-craziness because I'm tired of trying NOT to worry about everything. I think if the midwife I meet with was more encouraging and would take the time to look at my whole person I would feel much more peaceful about everything. It is for this reason that we have hired a doula. She is familiar with the system here and is a voice of comfort and encouragement to me.

I keep going back to the verses we've been praying for this baby and hanging on to God's promises.

If you would like to pray for us and the birth here are some specific things you can pray for:

• The right midwife for the job would come to the birth.
• Jon would be nearly done with his thesis by the end of this week. (He is halfway done at this point.)
• Peace in my heart and mind (instead of worry) as I continue to prepare emotionally for this baby's arrival.
• The kids will be emotionally ready to welcome another little brother into their lives.
• The birth goes smoothly without any problems.
• The baby won't be born on Ewan's birthday (July 31st). Due date is July 27th.